A modern, globalised world demands people to focus on their careers and personal aspirations over things that fall outside the workplace. From overtime shortening those precious moments at dinnertime, to lengthy work trips that lead to missed sports matches, being a parent in modern South Africa is an artful juggle of time, money, and priorities to say the least. This lifestyle may require clarity on the things that motivate you to get up in the morning, as all these demands need fuel to keep the midnight oil burning strong, while ensuring you never lose focus on what is important. Sometimes, seeking out the advice and experiences of other parents in busy roles can provide sharp focus to calm the storms of modern life, especially in a dynamic country such as ours.
Lee Duru is one such parent who provides insight into parenting as a modern professional. In our interview, she went beyond the expected ten steps to 21st century parenting, as her more personal reflections expressed how parenting not only shapes the values of our children, but those of our nation as well. Immensely mindful and greatly enthusiastic about raising her daughter, Elah, with her husband Lesogo, Lee explains that the source of one’s effort goes beyond serving the basic needs of the household. The outcome of parenting can affect one’s community, so the drive and success of a modern parent ventures far beyond meals and school pickups.
This was a constant theme of Lee’s thoughts on modern parenting, as she touched on the wonders of involving one’s children in our exciting career moments - exposing children to the world beyond life at home. Considering how difficult it may be to grasp modern parenting, it was an absolute pleasure to hear Lee’s own parenting experiences and reflections, and how her daughter guides, heals and inspires her to do more for her family and greater community.
Thank you for taking the time to chat with us. I hope the slow transition out of lockdown hasn’t affected your professional and personal life too greatly. In fact, how do you remain motivated and focused on your goals as a performer, radio personality, public figure, and a full-time mother, considering all that has happened over the past two years?
As anyone can attest, the uncertainty was nerve-wracking. Luckily though, radio continued right through and so, thankfully, I managed to stay involved in all that was happening, aside from remaining employed. Admittedly, it was challenging to channel positivity and to entertain as per our broadcasting mandate during this time. But what motivated me was the impact we had on our listeners. A lot of people were experiencing devastation all round in terms of job loss, death of family members etc. and they relied on us as presenters to carry them through - particularly during the hard lock down. The accessibility and warmth of radio connects with so many, and the feedback received from listeners was so touching and heart-warming in a time of great uncertainty.
It must have been taxing to manage your routine while hosting sunrise radio-show in a difficult period of our history. Considering things remained somewhat “normal”, how would describe a typical day at home, before, after and in-between the radio and acting obligations?
My mornings start at 04h30 when I get ready for the AlgoaFM Breakfast show at 06h00. When it ends at 09h00, we usually have a quick team chat about the following day's prep. I try to schedule any other meetings or engagements I may have for after 10h00, and then get on with my Elah or Lesego's admin. No day is the same really. Some are days are calm, while others can involve aqua aerobics, Zoom meetings, traveling, photoshoots, voiceover recordings and even meal prep!
So, what advice would you give to parents in 2022, considering the success you’ve made of balancing two lives at the same time? Has your daughter, Elah, responded well to your position and routine up until now?
For me, parenting comes first. It’s my priority and my passion. My husband and I subscribe to the conscious and intentional parenting style of constantly learning and making efforts to be present. We seek to create a safe, stable, and nurturing parent-child relationship. In this day and age, where there is so much exposure to information, mass media, technology and a general sensory overload, it’s important to take it back to analogue sometimes and make marked efforts of connecting emotionally with our children; essentially to listen and provide the space for them to be themselves and express freely how they feel. There are so many external avenues for them to seek validation – some of which can be harmful. So, as parents and guardians, we should use every opportunity to affirm, positively reinforce and unconditionally love our children. That being said, we also don’t coddle but rather encourage an internal locus of control.
I would say Elah’s been managing well with my position and routine. She’s used to hearing me on radio and often cringes when I speak about her on the odd occasion. When she was younger, she would want me to take her to school in the morning like the other mommies and moan about me not being their when she woke up and got ready. Over time, she quickly realised that the trade-off was having me support sports matches or being able to transport her and school mates to chess tournaments, or even being home with lunch ready in the afternoon. Another plus was that she learnt to become independent very quickly - having to set her own alarm and sort herself out. We do have a little tradition, however, where I take off work on her birthday, so that she wakes to find me at home with cakes and a gift before going to school. With my speaking engagements, I often take her along to watch me in action and hopefully inspire her in some way. And you know, even if she’s watching me on television, at the end of the day, all I really am to her is ‘mommy’.
There are many approaches to raising children, especially when considering the wide range inherited opinions and values on what it takes to shape an adult. What are your guiding principles behind effectively raising a child in contemporary South Africa?
A child's beliefs and values are formulated by the age of five. All our actions and interactions with them up until this point are vital to ensuring our children are empathetic towards their surroundings, and grounded in values that seek to improve our society. These core beliefs and values are instilled by guardians, parents, and teachers. It is vital to realise that we socialise our own children based on our own values and experiences; good and bad. Therefore, we as parents should be aware of our traumas, prejudices, and limitations, and ensure they do not manifest negatively in our children. It is our responsibility to be mindful and prepared to be better and not impart harmful values and beliefs in the future of our country. Looking inwards and reviewing our internal landscapes to heal ourselves makes us better parents and guardians, especially when considering the stresses of work. Five years is an incredibly short window of time in a child's life, so it is crucial for us adults to do as much good as we can.
“If one is to fix society, one needs to mould better adults. Parenting is a huge responsibility. But it is not only a responsibility to the kid, but a responsibility to society at large. The person shaped at home can impact others either positively or negatively, and it is our job as parents to ensure that we reflect on our own actions, experiences and traumas, to ensure our children become well-rounded, healthy citizens of South Africa.”
Lee Duru, 2022
Catch Lee Duru every morning on Algoa FM's Breakfast Show with Wayne Hart and Charlie T. every weekday morning, from 6:00am to 9:00am.
📷Sebenzile Zalabe
💄Yolanda Monqo